Posted by Today, its been 5 Years since you’ve left us. Not a year’s gone by in which I haven’t thought of you, especially on 12 January, your birthday. You were and always are on my mind and in my heart…
Some days, its hard to believe that it’s already been 5 years. Most of my memories of you are frozen in time, and when I think of you, I think of my childhood and all the times we’ve shared together.
It still haunts me since the day I had to let them take you to the hospital so the nurse can give you morphine to take away the pain, that look on your face, the look of “You let me down”. I know you wanted to die in your home in your bed and I am sorry, I know you understand that I am not a nurse and I do not know how to give you morphine and the nurse cannot come around everyday.
Every year I would look at the pictures of you, because they were the best things I could keep of you. I think it was also in that moment that I subconciously rooted my love for every moment, person, and place, because when you look back, it’s those snapshots, those moments in time that bring back the sincerest of smiles…
I was going through some of those old photos today on my other blog, and one of the pictures that stood out to me the most was this one of you in your purple cowgirl hat holding me on your hip. It was the most precious moment.
Mum, a lot’s changed in the last 5 years. Starting with myself, I moved up in Tablelands, worked as ALM again, studied Certificate IV in Education studies. Fell in love with Leigh, sometimes I wonder what you’re thinking with us being together. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, he looks after me and what can I say, he’s got beautiful eyes with a big heart. Moved to Bundaberg with the girls, to be with Leigh. Now I’m working with him, he owns the shop. The girls are really happy; Rebekah has improved a lot despite what happened to her these past few years (the move was a good choice), and Ruby loved her new school. This school she goes to has only 120 students so she is basically friend with the whole classroom but has that one special best friend she always hang out with.
Kim still remains in Cairns, have another child named Melody. And Margaret, she moved to Victoria with her fiancé Brad, still have one child Jack. Dad and I keep in contact, I finally got to meet his side of the family again, Aunt Roylene, Aunt Mary and Uncle Stewart, they all remembered me but I don’t remember them cos I was a wee little child back then but it was good to see them. And some cousins, I still haven’t seen Aunt Elaine yet but one day I will.
I also remember you during our favoured family gatherings. I always remember how your eyes used to light up at having the entire family together, over meals, and over special events. I might have not appreciated it at the time, but now, every time we’re together, I understand the importance of family and being together that you oh so treasured…I miss that.
God, how I miss you and the sweetness of your beautiful soul. I know you’re up there, looking down on us. I pray that you are doing well and send you all my love…
Love always,
Cynthia
Cynthia A. The life of a deaf introvert! 