My Life Is About To Change

After 37 years, my life is about to change. My mother found out I was deaf at the age of two by sneaking up behind me and tried to scare me with a bang using two saucepans. After several appointments with the audiologists and doctors, they can’t seem to find out what is wrong with me whether I was born deaf or became deaf after birth. Some say it could be the cause of medications when I was diagnosed with a benign tumor at 1, some say I was born deaf. I was labeled as profoundly deaf. I remember when mum told me how she loved the look on my face when I had my first hearing aides and heard a bird tweeting and how I used to love listening to the birds. She took a lot of time and patience to teach me how to talk; she learned that from the movie, “Amy”, it’s about a woman who left her husband after the death of her child to teach deaf children how to speak. Her own child was deaf and although she has no formal training she successfully teaches one boy. By the time I turned 5, mum wanted the best for me and decided to move to Cairns where there’s special school for the deaf. I learned sign language and English became my second language, I had a mixture of deaf and hearing friends. In the old days, not many hearing children were very interested in deaf and we were dubbed as ‘Deaf and Dumb’. After we moved to Darwin and I went to Stuart Park, I used to like one boy and he didn’t like me, he was a bully and slapping my head calling me deaf and dumb all the time. I hated it so much that I screamed “I don’t like you” at him in a clear voice that he understood so well, he stopped torturing me. My main priority was English and literacy, I was the top in grade 6 class and won Short Story competition. I skipped grade 7 and went straight to high school and my family and I moved back to Cairns. Teenage life repelled me, I wasn’t an easy person and a pain in the ass. I was transferred to Brisbane to complete my final year of high school there, it was a worse year for me and made my uncle and aunt’s lives hell. When I was age 17, mum heard about the cochlear implant and discussed with me about it. We went to see the audiologist just to gather information about it and I was offered a cochlear implant that day! I wasn’t expecting the audiologist to be so direct and I was totally blown away when I heard “we’d like to offer you a cochlear implant” and she sat there with an expectation look on her face, I couldn’t answer her there and then and asked for some thinking time. She clearly wasn’t expecting this but accepted it. The good thing about mum is that she didn’t pressure me into it; I made my decision not to go ahead with it and be happy with what I have. At 23 I gave birth to Rebekah, the first few years was not easy because I couldn’t hear her much from the other room, so I made another appointment at the hearing center, my hearing dropped a little and I was given new hearing aides with more power to hear. It helped but not so much. My sister, Kim, lived with me had helped me and let me know whenever Rebekah is up or crying and I am so thankful to have her lived with me, I don’t know what I would do without her. My second child, Ruby, was easier because I had a vibrate baby alarm provided by the deaf service, I didn’t have to keep waking up and checking if she is awake and crying. The flash would go off during the day or the vibration would wake me up, it was a massive help I wished I had that with my first child but then again, they may not have invested it yet. Since my mother passed away two years ago, made me rethink my perspective on my life and how much my hearing had dropped so I got the audiologist to get me to see the cochlear specialist in Brisbane at the Mater Hospital last year in December. We’ve spoken a lot about the CI and I have asked so many questions that I need to know, it was a well-informed conversation I’ve ever had with her. I decided to go ahead! This year in June I stayed at the Mater Hill accommodation for a week and had some tests and CAT scan. On the last day before heading home, I spoke to the surgeon Dr Que Hee who will operate on me, he asked me how I became deaf. I told him that I have no idea whether I was born or became deaf and explained the situation of what happened when mother found out I was deaf, he said that is not a problem he will find out the answer for me. He looked up on the CAT scan and presto! the answer was Nerve Deafness and the possibilities are the cause of the medications from when I had tumor but he can’t guarantee it 100%. Of course, new technologies and I got the answer but then when I think about it, it makes me sad that my mother will never find out. Well it doesn’t matter now, I’ve got the answer and now I can put it to rest. The cochlear specialist told me that it won’t be long now and I just have to wait for the letter when my next appointment comes that I will finally have surgery. I keep checking the mailbox at the post office expecting letter from them, 3 months later; at the end of September the letter arrived. I opened the mail quickly to find that the appointment is happening in few weeks time, goosebumps all over my body and chill ran up my spine. This is it; my life is about to change! There’s no backing out. In two day I am heading down to Brisbane, I’ll be turning a new page of my life, I’m not sure what to feel – I’m nervous, exciting and I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I’m really looking forward to it!

Blessed be,

Cynthia xo